Motherhood in Words

Mommy: Scared out of my damn head. Oh my god, baby no. I can tell the story, though.

[Music]

Zeke: Welcome to the Let’s Gather Podcast. I’m your host Zeke and this is the Mother’s Day episode. When she remember they’ll talk about all the joys and difficulties of her reason me my brother. Oh, you have a constant only finish on the reuses episode and to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. Enjoy the show. Welcome to the podcast. You finally boy you were bullied yourself into an episode. So this will be the mother’s day episode.

Zeke: And first question is why did you give birth to me?

Mommy: You ask me that question all the time. Every day you ask me that question because I felt like it. What was I going to do not have you?

Zeke: Yes.

Mommy: And you’re in the best choice ever made you change my life for the best. Thank you.

Zeke: Was that for you for me?

Mommy: Right now for you

Zeke: Sure about that.

Mommy: Yes jackass.

Zeke: I see a lot of work regarding the life,

Mommy: You think life is not easy and I’m not gonna make it easy for you. But you got to learn No, no way you’re gonna learn was by getting us up and do stuff I’m not making life easy.

Zeke: Yeah, you’re making it more difficult than it already is, but you know whatever.

Mommy: How are you gonna learn? Yeah, if I didn’t do the things that I did, you won’t be able to be the person you are now. I honestly helped you be the person you are now. If you find it, not do the things that I did. You We’re not able to you have one of the best work ethics that I know.

Zeke: You had me poor.

Mommy: I didn’t have you poor wasn’t poor, poor broke, two different,

Zeke: It’s the same thing.

Mommy: You had food. You had a roof over your head. You had k you everything that you want to you ask for something you’re as good. So my point was we you have food you didn’t have to go out there begging. I had to beg you have everything that you want you still do because you spoil us for you. You just you just want to make life easy. No life is gonna be hard he was not for you just want to easy. You just spoil you or spoil you 22 year old still gets what he wants. Not always sometimes some people get a lot that I give you. You 20 22 years old. You get a lot That I give you that I let you slide. Other household households you will not be sliding. You become out of your pocket more than I’m coming out of mine. But I come out of mines more than you because you spoil and that’s my fault. That’s my fault,

Zeke: You said I have a good work ethic.

Mommy: You do ain’t no way in the world. Oh, go to school full time, having all jobs at one time. Doing all that volunteering that you’ve been doing in your life, all that stuff you’ve been doing, and you still get up to go do stuff and you be tired. That’s some good work. I mean, my eyes are asleep

Zeke: I’m just saying that that happened because you didn’t let me hang out with other people my age. 

Mommy: Ezekiel your fun. No. You did what you’re supposed to do. Well, what Work you will need that in life work. You’re gonna need that stuff in life we’re

Zeke: Also gonna need memories and fun

Mommy: You have memories you What? What fun. So you tell me you never want any You did nothing with friends you telling me in life in life we did not do friends in life we didn’t go to a place we didn’t do

Zeke: Yeah, like the first seven Okay, he went places to for the first seven years and there was a guy to like fifth grade

Mommy: No we still work places still did things. We still want places that we still did things.

Zeke: Okay, so that’s all down and then when I hang up people my age. I never could do it. You always have something for me not to go to before. Like it used to be used to be because my asthma.

Mommy: No, no, no, you stay sick. Honestly. You know You Stacy from elementary middle school in the beginning is your as a sticker why’d you stay sick and tired of going to the hospitals you stay at home on using school? You stay sick hey you know that golfer gone after that you

Zeke: Know I spend a lot of time at home with nothing much to do hmm

Mommy: You know I’m a stuff that was bought for you in this house for you can have because you wasn’t outside as much but you know how much stuff was bought for you? Why do you think you got all that stuff that you got? Cuz you couldn’t go outside? You know you couldn’t go outside It must be because you stay sick and you have a skin disorder and all this other stuff. You know that you deal with it that is talking to you. And that day, your ass was so smart you’re looking and everything goes as always. So, stuff was bought for you. You act like you, man.

Zeke: Oh, since he only ever say yes to things I do school.

Mommy: Course education, education is the key. You see why I do all that stuff and Yo, yo, yo, you will only ever say yes to if it’s voluntary or had to do with school. You got to understand the way that I was raised though. Education was not that important. When I was writing the way I was raised work was important. So when I had you and your brother education was my mind was right there education. Yeah. It took me to 33 years old to go back to school to get my associates. So I got I’m happy for it. Of course, but it took me the age of 30 though. 36

Zeke: I was in high school.

Mommy: So I was like the

Zeke: You did in my junior, finished

Mommy: 36. So it took me the age of 36. To go back to get what I was supposed to get from advice, we got great and got what I supposed to get. But that’s not what I wanted for you and your brother. So education was something that I had to push, push, push, and I’m glad I push, push, push, because you went from every grade like you’re supposed to straight up to college did what you are supposed to do. And I’m totally proud of you did college in the four years Zicklin look like it was type hard. You did that. You did that. For years, and I told you take your time, but you did it. And I’m like I keep telling you, I’m so proud of you. You just don’t understand how proud I am of you. Not just that’s because what you do in school and how you do it. It’s just because of the person you are the main you are who you becoming you for you to be raised in a single parent household look at you you’re a good person I say that because you know how to have a problem and tell me that you are good person you gotta realize that you good man good myself

Zeke: In spite of your parenting

Mommy: My parenting on point look at you man. I don’t think you understand look at this look at you just look

Zeke: Cuz you just focus on school, you forget about like the relationship parts and like interpersonal skills.

Mommy: And I keep telling you what the way I was raised. I did the opposite. Okay. I did the opposite.

Zeke: Our cousins was like when Zeke get the Bill Gates money because I’m always In school

Mommy: I’m sorry. No, I’m not sorry. I did. Like I said, I did the opposite of what was done with me not to put my mother down because she did the best that she could. And she didn’t do a bad job. But I did the opposite. She did what she knew what to do. Just like I did what I figured out what to do.

Zeke: So all that reason you raise your antithesis.

Mommy: What I told you before, I’m a gemini I have two sides, you just the other side of me. You just the other side. That’s why at times, we you could bump heads and then at the next second we smile at each other and talk, two of the same people. Same person. I’m sorry. I know. This. I get I get that’s my job.

Zeke: We do disagree on a lot of things

Mommy: That’s my job you I keep telling you what we say in this house and when and if we agree on everything we gotta be real we’re not keep telling you that we’re not be real be fake. I think that’s often I face it won’t be real. Like I keep telling me if you don’t agree say say if I don’t agree I’m gonna say something it’s just the way that you have to state it that’s it it’s the way that you have to say it. Say it the right way we good and that’s how me you been? No don’t be fake be like yeah, and then you got really agree with me, though. If you feel like no say it was the way that you say it. So I was.

Zeke: Yeah, as we grow, things change or become easier, as we became adults?

Mommy: It’s harder than

Zeke: You have control?

Mommy: Nah, man because is that? I don’t know probably but it’s not even as like, cuz you’re older. So now ya out more. And I’m sitting here worrying.

Zeke: You did raise us right?

Mommy: Yes.

Zeke: See, do you believe that? Do you believe there were competent?

Mommy: Let, me explain something. I will say this, I trust you. I trust your brother. Just outside.

Zeke: You have to trust that we can handle any situation.

Mommy: How do you understand you and your brothers my life my world and I’m very protective and you know that so,

Zeke: To a detriment to my social life but what ever.

Mommy: No your social life disappointed that that’s you that’s that the social life that’s on you have gonna do it right now we on quarantine. If we wasn’t quarantine you don’t come home too late right?

Zeke: Yeah,

Mommy: Okay, I ain’t got nothing to do with you social life.

Zeke: As things change. You said it was easier when we were younger?

Mommy: Yeah it’s easy when yall was younger I know where you was what you was doing

Zeke: To the point where your friend almost took me when I was going to manma house to meet you.

Mommy: That’s a good friend,  see your child out there like where are you going? Cuz you cuz everybody was used to you be with me all the time yeah they didn’t know that I told you to go to your grandmother. See that’s the thing that what you call a friend okay.

Zeke: (inaudible) So yeah. So what was most enjoyable about being a parent?

Mommy: My row dog. Seeing how yall grow seeing how yall change seeing how yall becoming that’s the that’s the most enjoyable thing for me you just sit and have a conversation. I mean you could just sit and just go out by just go like my son taller big. We just got a big man walking next to me while the son sitting in we just talking having a good conversation, or we’re just go have my other big son taller than me it is gone. Joy, the things we do together. The stuff that we can sit back and remember that’s good. We did have a lot of good time. I kind of miss yall little.

Zeke: Things do change.

Mommy: I know things change  but just the little things, the little things that we used to do together. Like I say, it’s not always the big things that matters, little things. It’s the little things that we used to do together. We just don’t do it together. We all got different lives and doing different things. But we just don’t do the little things. That’s that’s that I missed that. I’m proud. Everybody’s actually doing some positivity like

Zeke: Both the kids in the same building.

Mommy: I know. Same days. I will see happy. I’m actually happy. That’s one thing I’ve had. I don’t know what happened. But thank God, God works. works.

Zeke: I guess. I didn’t know I did my four years. I’m not doing four more years.

Mommy: You did you please you did you go you share you there you make money it’s about you happy yeah long as I walk by each other I don’t give a shit see each other you ain’t gotta hi five ain’t gotta do none know each other know each other’s okay but you’re gonna get them separated and separated by school. You went to the same elementary the same Middle School sister schools for high school. And now the same college you got a separated

Zeke: I guess will be a teacher.

Mommy: You should not have move Oh, you should become a teacher. It is a you with all the student with all the students and stuff that you work with and the things that you do. You really show you a good person. You are good people.

Zeke: Yeah, I get that from you though. No, no.

Mommy: That right there you did not get from you. My patients lord.

Zeke: Job and everything went wrong. I so somehow kept my calm and collected.

Mommy: No you did. We had our conversations. But you were you did good with all that have happened. You did a very good job. Like I say I’m proud of you good man. I’m proud. Like I said, I wasn’t I will tell you what you’re doing it. It’s not right. But you could man I give you that.

Zeke: I mean a lot of people given nine my hands.

Mommy: You does. That’s that’s the thing. You very protective over kids. Ever since you was small. You not just kids, people. You’ve had somebody fill in a certain type of way you fill it into you don’t even have to know the person. and you’re feeling it, Ezekiel That part me totally different.

Zeke: I don’t know how you raised your antithesis (inaudible).

Mommy: And you still do it means you and your brother could be together. We walk and you standing there talking to strangers and me and him look like huh? Oh, why can’t we go go practice your interpersonal skills? Is he you know, leave him alone with two strangers. No, this is why I’d be worried about

Zeke: You know, I can talk my way into a situation

Mommy: Oh, no, no way these people go forward if you know what you say people, the same people will be in line for a reason. Okay, everybody’s everybody’s good. Everybody’s not good. We got to I ain’t got time. Patience alone, you know that I ain’t got time. My backup ain’t here no more. I ain’t got time. Oh.

Zeke: So, in that case, what do you least? was the least enjoyable part about being here?  What’s my what? LEast enjoyable part about being a parent?

Mommy: That’s hard.  I know that’s hard because every part is a learning experience because I get older you grow. So I can’t answer that. Because honestly, every step is a learning experience.

Zeke: Did you see yourself change?

Mommy: Me? Yeah, I changed. I changed from when I had you. I changed for when I had him. And I changed now. I’m not the same person. You told me that with you. I was the hood mother. Not one time only you better get it. Okay. Okay. And what I got it but oh no, this this is speech my mother gave me so does the speech I gave you. Look you’ve been you’ve been independent going ever since

Zeke: You lucky you have independent children, you forgot about that part in parenting.

Mommy: What not. That’s the way I feel the way I did but you So but I’m just laughing how to where I was hood with you, boujee with him.

Zeke: Yeah.

Mommy: No you taking this out okay out tonight cool

Zeke: So one day I want to ask is how come when I tried to become an entrepreneur you want didn’t want me to become an entrepreneur?

Mommy: Zeke you was at a young age, you get that from your grandmother that’s the DNA, not for me.

Zeke: So recently I realized you have a hierarchy of values right?

Mommy: I have a high what?

Zeke: Hierarchy of values. Okay. Like you keep saying education is a second thing your hierarchy is school for is um safety first then education then nothing else.

Mommy: Basically, what else you need?

Zeke: How we get to there? How we get to there?

Mommy: Safety Just the opposite My mother told me I was free my mother let me go free my mama let me run free I was free I was free I was I came home I was free I did what I want to do when I want to do how I want to do she know where I was what I was doing. I was free Great Grandma let me go out do what I want to do. It was it oh free I was a free so no people need,

Zeke: I need all of the rules?  Yes. You lucky I didn’t become one of those students that went to college and it’s been crazy.

Mommy: You went you went to the college you went to where was you going to go crazy at?

Zeke: Cuz you was like, you not going Upstate.

Mommy: No. Staying right here.

Zeke: Where you can keep your eye on me. Huh So you can keep your eye on me.

Mommy: Yep

Zeke: Did you know that? (inaudible) capable people? are you ever gonna believe that we’re capable of handling ourselves?

Mommy: I keep tell you. I keep telling you I trust you don’t trust the outside world.

Zeke: But you did give birth to us. And then you also gave birth to boys.

Mommy: I wanted boys I didn’t want girls. I was happy for my boys. I got two of them I was happy.

Zeke: How was it rasing boys?

Mommy: Easy. Girls are hard.

Zeke: You’re a  girl.

Mommy: I know. I know. Girls are hard. I wanted boys and then I was raised up like a tomboy. So what I’m gonna do with a little girl What I’m going to do like honestly. What I’m doing

Zeke: I don’t know I ‘m not a parent

Mommy: What I’m doing with a girl. I got what I wanted two boys. At first I wanted five. Mm hmm. Then I had you know, quiet. You was quiet but it’s a lot of responsibility.

Zeke: If you just let me do my own thing

Mommy: Ezekiel no you did. You did. You can take your walkers drag that thing to the refrigerator. You can just sit there and sit there, like a grown person will say or you could just sit there, go in the refrigerator, make your own sandwiches and just go sit down and eat and everything. You was a good baby. It just was a lot of responsibility. But then I said no I need to add one more. I said I have them only child. I’m a only child, it sucks. So that’s why I had another one. But you was a good baby. I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. Because I yeah, I’ve never seen somebody so quiet in my life I just

Zeke: Is he mute is he okay?

Mommy: Yeah. I want to know but you was good.

Zeke: Go to the doctor and be like, my baby doesn’t speak, make it

Mommy: No, you really didn’t. You really was quiet, but I took you to all your doctor visits, and you was well and everything else.

Zeke: I remember getting my brain scanned.

Mommy: And you was good.

Zeke: I think they put on the Wiggles.

Mommy: That was for school. But you was good.

Zeke: And you rased siblings also. As an only child, how eas it rasing siblings?

Mommy: Hard because I’m confused because I don’t know how it is. I don’t have a sibling. I have siblings, but not from my mother. I want to point that out do I have? Sorry, I have siblings, but it’s not from my mother. So is different. I don’t live with them. So I don’t know how it is to have a sibling in the house. So I don’t know all the stuff that goes on. So when yall do stuff. I’m confused. So I just have to act a certain way. Because my siblings was out of the house. I was always my mother’s only child.

Zeke: And then you was young you had me.

Mommy: Yeah, I was young when I had both of y’all. So like I said, both of y’all was a learning experience. I don’t know. No, I ain’t going to lie. I was going by everyday new steps.

Zeke: You like child today child said three words, new record.

Mommy: Yeah, but what you and your brother I did differently. I didn’t do the other thing I did because you small you stay under me a lot. He stayed towards your grandma. But then as you got older you pushed away and he stayed under me a lot. So it was totally different. The job was totally different people. He had more energy than you had energy use always laid back person. He was always a gentle person. But now tables have turned you more energetic. He’s more laid back person. I don’t know what’s going on. I said to both, but it’s just that the way that y’all are now. He was the one that always with me. When we did things now things have turned. When I’m outside you won’t who’s with me all the time. You won’t come with me. He’s the one in the house with me. It just shirt tables cause us to stay in the house. Why he used to come outside. Now here we go. You come with me all the time. He’s think so I’m just waiting for the table to show the game which I think is going to try to get the only I guess switch. I can’t never have both of y’all. It switch. Because like I said, You stayed on the me wings small day he stay toast your grandmother. Then you exit from me and he’s the tourism. Now. You told me he and I have two kids.

Zeke: How do you see yourself in your children?

Mommy: What do you mean?

Zeke: Like you see your personality?

Mommy: My personality, both the attitude side and the nice side. See that’s why I keep telling you all bump heads. We all the same in this house. We have some different thing where we have

Zeke: You ever see yourself getting mad so something that we do but you do it yourself?

Mommy: Yeah your mouth. That mouth.

Zeke: How do you do deal with that?

Mommy: My mouth. I come back, but lately I’ve just been sitting there just looking at yall. I’m saying the same thing they said, I just look at yall. But yall mouth. My mouth, totally my mouth. Cuz yall keep saying I’m saying the same thing I say doing the same thing I do. Not all the time.

Zeke: And then it’s like all the children who have PTSD from their parents from yelling at them for homework. At what point did you think the yelling at us louder  will make it so much easier if we just we just didn’t hear you properly.

Mommy: Because some things that you’re about I did it with both of y’all. I don’t get y’all. I don’t get it. It’s the same thing. If the answer is right there, how can you get it? I just showed you just showed you nice and easy. That took my time. And yeah, I couldn’t get it. I don’t know how that’s it. I’m gonna do it and. Tell you my patients suck. Yeah. I have no patience.

Zeke: And then we evasiveness. What do you notice how we have personalities? When do you notice who you are as people real things?

Mommy: Because one, as I said, You didn’t say anything. You was always laid back quiet person. Even though now you have energy. You still go in your moods, and  just quiet. He was a bay where he’s the He had a voice. He had a voice from when he was born here. So, even though now he goes back and be laidback, but he still has a voice, so those babies one was quite well, same thing. He could not figure it out. I remember you look at him like he crazy. Why is he crying? You will make a face. Look at that picture. He cried and you hold him and you’re just making a face like why this baby crying?

Zeke: I can’t keep working you have to figure out life. You know, because this meme where there’s always like, no, because two people have sex that I had to figure out like how to get money, surive and everything.

Mommy: Yeah, I’m sorry.

Zeke: So as a parent, do you think? Do you think it’s harder now you have social media, and everything?

Mommy: Harder?

Zeke: Yeah.

Mommy: I think it’s easy. It’s easier. Back then you had a phone, a phone, quarter, call collect hope you had a phone at home for you to make that collect call. So I think easy with social media, I think is easy. People say it’s the worst. I think it’s easy with having kids. You got your phone. You got your phone. Like you had a phone. He had phone

Zeke: I still disagree with you on everything you’re bad at parenting.

Mommy: Because you just want to do just want to be hard. It will be difficult. You can never be easy. You just want to be hard with me. Other people you cool me. Oh, so easy. It’s so nice. To me one thing goes wrong.

Zeke: And then you complain, not contributing anything. To the situation and I’m just like let me figure it out. Figure it out, give me time.

Mommy: It’d be all right. So

Zeke: Have you learned from your children?

Mommy: What have I  learned?

Zeke: From us.

Mommy: Oh, like I said, I change I had to get paid to learn patience. A little more caring, understanding patience caring understanding. Do you have to give a little more of caring. Understand is the stuff that y’all did that got messed up or something but you got to understand things happen. A patient you just got a patients and I had to learn that. So as you said, I went from hood to bougie.

Zeke: You old.

Mommy: I’m not old, I’m not old yet. Sorry. I’m not that old. (inaudible).

Zeke: Race me right now.

Mommy: Oh the knees baby these these knees been through some stuff in life. Even when I was a teenager my knees was killing me.

Zeke: Did you ever catch yourself being your mother when you’re parenting us? You like you do something you like my mother did this.

Mommy: Now.

Zeke: Now?

Mommy: That she’s gone I’m when I’m feeling emotional after I have to shop when she fell emotional she had to shop. She wants to give y’all she wants to give you your brother everything and she couldn’t but she did it in a way you just knew be understand what I’m saying, that’s me. I’m just like all right, right now um, that’s me right now cuz I am emotional since she’s gone. That I shop a lot that was her. She wants to give you and your brother everything even though she gave me a lot. She wanted to make sure we had it all this like I want to make sure you have it all. And I have to learn that I can’t and that my emotions can’t fill that hole that that’s what she was a that’s that’s me my mother anything else? No she’s just too nice. She was so nice. lady was a little too She was too giving. I’m not giving to other people. My kids.

Zeke: So let’s go take it back to the first moment being the parent. When you found out. You was having me. How did you feel?

Mommy: First? Yeah, Scared out of my damn head. Oh my god, baby no. I can tell the story. Oh, sorry. I wasn’t, I found out. So so my mother. I wasn’t going to have you. I went into the doctor’s office, sat there, thought about, I couldn’t do it. Talk to the doctor. I just couldn’t do it. And then I came out. So my mother because she wanted me. There was just a checkup. And she went with me and she was like, I was like, I can’t do it. I have to keep my baby. about to cry. I was like, I have to keep that to keep. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I had somebody growing inside of me. And I couldn’t do it. And I didn’t. I had you. And that was the best choice. That’s that’s the best decision I ever made. Because the way my life was back then, and I know that I had somebody growing inside of me that loves me that’s gonna love me. And I’m able to lower Shut up, and I’m able to love them back. That’s all I want it. And that’s, that’s what I that’s what I needed to change my life into the best. So, I like I said, I learned a lot by having y’all. And my mother did tell me having you was the best choice. And it was because if I didn’t have you, I know my head would have been and your brother wouldn’t be here right now. I didn’t have I would have had no kids. Yes, we do. But I probably would have had none. And have you changed my life for the best in the better. It may be who I am today. Like I said I’m a different person from when I had you at 19 I am now I’m totally different and if I didn’t have you I don’t know where and that’s got on issue. So yes is best decision I ever made.

Zeke: Giving me the task of life with no direction, no map,

Mommy: That’s why that’s why that’s why I’m the way I am wishing for you to learn. Because if you handed everything in your life, it’s not the best. It’s not the best. You have to go out the alone. You have to go out there and do stuff. So I’m happy that you have the work ethics that you have. Because if you did it, you’d be lost. So much now, what are you gonna figure it out? You’re 22 years old are you 22 with no children 22 I was 22 going on my second child. Thank you. You broke the cycle, broke it. You broke you broke it the way your grandmother did me You broke the cycle.

Zeke: Yeah, pressure my back.

Mommy: I don’t think that was pressure. I think you was too busy do schoolwork

Zeke: You didn’t let me outside. Yeah, you’re not gonna like I was going outside hanging out people my age.

Mommy: Like he’s so focused. That’s all I could do. That’s why sorry education wasn’t so much of something that was pushed with me. So I was free to free you will know you was not free.

Zeke: My friend was like maybe we should have the same rule that um parents put on daughters. Maybe boys should have the same rules parents put on daughters.

Mommy: Cuz if I had a daughter oh Probably be the same rules you had. it wouldn’t been nothing different.

Zeke: Don’t ever go outside in your life and speak to anybody ever (inaudible).

Mommy: It anytime soon I’m done I got what I want I got two sons Ezekiel and Lawrenzo. Me do not want any more kids. We done me happy all the way by having the kid if I had adopt one for some reason something like that. That’s the only way I have a kid, my sidekick ain’t here no more.  You going to help me take the kid to school. I know you’re gonna be cursing me. I ain’t the father of this kid.

Zeke: So do you have any regrets in when you was rasing us? Anything you want to change?

Mommy: Not let you make certain decisions or you’re not or there’s certain things certain things

Zeke: Like what? one thing I lose is when I was younger from my experience you wanted to us to be more aware of the world and everything. Which you never let me outside. So I was like counterproductive because I couldn’t learn how to navigate the world if I didn’t know the world.

Mommy: But the whole thing is you did navigate. You did figure I don’t even know even though you didn’t when you got to college. I don’t even know, to train system. The way you know the train system 41 I don’t even know it. He knows it and you know it.

Zeke: I know. He knows like, okay, so I did. Once I got to college. I was like, Okay, how do I do this.

Mommy: I have to ask you how to do this stuff. You figured it out. You did it. You talk about I didn’t let you outside but you did it.

Zeke: I was an adult.

Mommy: Okay. You did it. No, I wanna, I don’t know.

Zeke: Don’t go outside but I also need you to be able to.

Mommy: I am because I don’t but you went to school by yourself. High School. But you got off you got off the bus by yourself

Zeke: And just walked. I took the bus to get to school earlier. You see you have this selective memory when when you,

Mommy: No we took the bus together you got off the bus by yourself when you walked and you got on the bus by yourself went to your grandmother house after school.

Zeke: And then you get mad at me for being tired on the bus I did the whole do school and had to travel.

Mommy: Is you’ll be falling asleep on the bus. I don’t wake you up in the bus crowded you sitting over there over there sleeping. It means your brother on the other side. Now me You gotta wake up you can’t be fall asleep on the bus. You know these people?

Zeke: I just did a whole day of school.

Mommy: That’s nice. But you still be up awake and then when you get home then you fall asleep? But no then you had a whole bunch of homework.

Zeke: Because I he was like 18 AP classes.

Mommy: You pick the school?

Zeke: Yeah, cuz every school I’ve ever picked they end up working out fine.

Mommy: Anything every school you ever pick,

Zeke: I had to fight for my life.

Mommy: What school I just picked elementary school.

Zeke: You picked elementary school and middle school.

Mommy: No, I thought that was given to you by time you got there there was no more outside lunch.

Zeke: I had a principal every year.

Mommy: I don’t know what was going on. It was life. You worked out. You graduated on time from elementary school. You graduated on time for middle school, which your complaint?

Zeke: I had to fight for my life.

Mommy: Okay, and guess what? It gave you the personality that you have.

Zeke: Okay cool. I now have to make certain decisions.

Mommy: Certain things likeI can’t say cuz I gotta remember just certain things in life that I should have this let me certain things like when you’re small picking out your own little clothes. Instead of me picking it up. There was a time I had you and him dress a like witching I shouldn’t do that. Because yall was two different people. But it was cute.

Zeke: And now we don’t just like,

Mommy: Oh, yeah, no, you’re totally different personality. But I should let you did it when you were small but like I said, two ya just looked cute the same thing. But I didn’t let yall. But I should let you pick up certain things. And then just other things. I should just like, when it comes up, then I know what we suck.

Zeke: Okay. So how do you balance when me and my brother making decisions and you disagree with them? We also make own decisions.

Mommy: How do I be okay with it?

Zeke: Yeah.

Mommy: Oh, I just sit back and look at stay by my phone wait for your call panic. But I gotta let you do it. I gotta let you do it. Why don’t you do it? How are you gonna? But I’m always by the phone and you call me. So, so no you’ll call but you have to learn. If I don’t let you learn Are you gonna go even though I don’t want to, because you’re all my babies. And I wish I could do it all for you in the world. But I bought by my mother passing away. I learned that I do have to keep letting you know do stuff on your own because if you don’t, you’re not gonna learn. And even though certain things was pushed on me, I learned certain things early. And if I didn’t learn them certain things early, I wouldn’t know how to do it now. And I wouldn’t be able to be on my own two feet right now living on my own So it is good that she told me the way that she did. And gave me the freedom that she gave me. Because like I said, I’ve been lost. Because even though I do have family, I have a lot of family that I can’t go to. I was taught to be independent, and to do things on your own and is taught that way.

Zeke: You kinda taught me that too.

Mommy: Because that’s what I was taught and thank God as right now. I was taught that I know how to do it. That’s why you’re into some of the stuff that you need to be taught.

Zeke: Yeah, in the on the, the how love sheet thing. That was the lowest thing. No, those categories were, um, yeah, from others. Were my lowest was my lowest category. it because it’s the way (inaudible) is the way that you do.

Mommy: Just like is the way that I’ve been raised, and I got some education, certain things was not pushed on me but certain things weren’t pushed on me. And I think God that though these work was dummies, I don’t want people to think that I feel some type of way. Now my mother taught me the way that she knew how to talk that she knew what to do. And that’s why I did the opposite, which are also did some of the same stuff. And I’m happy that I did.

Zeke: When I got this degree, you was happy?

Mommy: Hell yes

Zeke: That was a long year, the whole last year.

Mommy: You went there last year, you went through a lot. The last year you went to school full time. You’ve had a million jobs. grandmother was dying, and you was there taking care of your grandmother. So you had a lot on your shoulder and you finish. You finish school, you should be happy. And then you went right back after she passed.

Zeke: I don’t know what to do at that moment. I was like,

Mommy: We all thought I should have took time off. You should have took Taiwan. He should have but if we did it, we would have did all that. We wouldn’t have been her kids. Because the type of person she was, do all the stuff that she knew she still went to work. She went she don’t care how she felt. She still went to work. And she would have told us get up, go to school and go to work. You know that.

Zeke: That’s what she told me to do.

Mommy: Go to school, right. So we can’t say because the last year you did go through a lot. You lost your second mother And you sat there and you seen her die. You sat there and you gave your free time and you took care of even us tight, we always say, but you took care of her. You can’t say you didn’t take care of your grandmother, you did everything that she asked you to do and more. And if you if she would have allowed you to do more than you did, you would have did more. But we also had to give her her space. And that’s what we did. We had the Larabee but you did take care of her and nobody can say you did. You did. And I did. And your brother, we always there. We all had our moments where we did what we had supposed to do. And we did more. And if she would allow us to do more for her. We would have gave her what she wanted. Because she gave us what we wanted. Even when we probably shouldn’t have gotten it. She gave us what we want it and more. She did what she was supposed to do and more, chooses your grandmother. She didn’t have to do all the stuff that she did for you. I’m a grown woman. She had to do the stuff she did for me. But that’s the type of person she was. And we did what we had to do for everybody gave up a whole lot to help her even more. But we do what we had to do. Go ahead over the last one, although for some of them so hard.

Zeke: Oh, last fall semester so hard.

Mommy: You did it.

Zeke: Great Grandma then I had the flu.

Mommy: Yeah, we do a lot. You did. You did what you had to do. You lose you lose two ladies out of your life while he was in college, so but you last one was really tough. Then when I could It was really, really tough for you. Because like I say, you said things in her daddy, you said that you helped them. And we did a we did a lot. We did a lot, we can say we did. We did a lot. And then we had to do it all over again. We would do it all over again. But you also have to give people as very, very independent. This space, you had to let them you have to let them be them. Because that will keep them going. But like I say go ahead. Okay, question. No. But look at graduated. I was right there. I made sure to get a seat close enough to because everybody stayed up together. I was like a whole lot. I never seen so many students for one school. Oh my god. Everybody knows what Zicklin was. But it. You did it. I’m proud. Like I said, I’m proud of you, man. You became You did it. I told you take your time. Take the extra. Actually it knows you can look up law school. I mean going to school, great grammar say you don’t go to school at three years old. That boy going to get tired She’s right. But you finish girl. She was right. She told me that when he finished. This is a three. She was she told me that. She’s like three, she’s like, don’t get tired. That’s too early. But he went, he finished. He did his bad night. He got his bachelor’s. What can I do for you guys? I was out for you to do better than me. If you do more than me, and that’s what you’re doing.

Zeke: So your grandkids have a lot of work to do.

Mommy: It depends on what you want your kids to do is

Zeke: Parents always want their kids is better than you.

Mommy: Yes that’s what you want you want your kids,

Zeke: You know how long work, You know how long turn out.

Mommy: Huh?  I know you do extra Zeke you god damn tired. I can’t lie you do extra work a little too hard for me but

Zeke: So manma’s hard work skipped a generation

Mommy: Yeah it skipped me. I work hard at work, but I’m does this all I’m doing as it ain’t doing that extra though. I go to work. I work hard. did what I do. I work hard there. But I’m coming home and I’m doing a second job. I’m only going to that one job. That’s it. Yeah, let me do a second job. Yo, yo,

Zeke: I’ve been doing things out 13 like you either combination of school work or volunteering, either one of the three altar boys somewhere took off. I was 15 That’s it. Ever that I just mean

Mommy: That’s what you supposed to do.

Zeke: The last semester was the hardest. You know, high school. They gave me 4 AP’s. And was like tutor these kids also be an assistant.

Mommy: You see this high school you went to work? You kind of went to a school. That was like, okay, home work. That was your choice to

Zeke: My school choices is still a school. Name is still there. Cuz you had me in the rain. Like do you want to go here? Idon’t know anything about the school. The people in the middle school told me to go here. Go here. Yeah, cuz you did pick school you pick safety over education.

Mommy: Because my whole thing is, wherever you go, you want to make the best of it, you want to make the best of it. I just wanted you to be safe and alive and I could have my child, okay? But you always want to make the best of it. But my problem with you is to friendly speak to too many people too nice.

Zeke: In fact, that’s how I got a lot of opportunities I have gotten so far.

Mommy: There’s certain people and certain there’s certain people you should speak to this certain you shouldn’t you can say  I always tell us to say hi, keep it moving. You want to have these long conversations. Hey, hi How you doing? Keep it moving. I don’t I say keeping moving. What you so yes safety over education with you. Well, I gotta say education he don’t talk to people like that he’s my child you that’s what we opposite. Grandmother didn’t do that type of stuff either. Get that part from your father not from the mother. Us Dais people even know I don’t think you could be appropriately you compare two people. For me Yeah, you have to be independent. I was raised to be independent see certain things in people. And independent is envy. So for me to sit there, I’m gonna co parent with somebody else. I just thought about somebody gonna say the name on the podcast. (inaudible) he just got to understand how it’s gonna go. Yeah.

Zeke: Cuz you think you don’t do don’t listen to anybody.

Mommy: I’m sorry, but this stuff, huh?

Zeke: You don’t miss anybody.

Mommy: He just have to understand. It’s gonna go this way and that’s it. Mm hmm. You want other things? No, I’m sorry it’s not going this is real cute. This is real nice. Like this. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Thank you.

Zeke: Yeah, no, no, no we can continue on talking things out. This is the Mother’s Day episode.

Mommy: Yeah, I can see here this keep going.

Zeke: Question for me on the parents side?

Mommy: No this is your shit.

Zeke: You can ask.

Mommy: No this is your shit. I’m just here.

Zeke: Yeah, cuz I’m the creative one who wants to solve everybody’s problems in terms of technology.

Mommy: Okay, you’re the tech person. He said you’re the tech person. He’s the um, who’s that person that deal with emotions? That’s him and you said I’m the bank right? We all have a purpose if

Zeke: You didn’t believe any of you like like you keep saying school everything only thing you do in school. You don’t make money no just go to school. We got you

Mommy: And that’s what I’ve been doing.

Zeke: But I could have my own Stadium Goods right now. No, You didn’t. If you let me just make money.

Mommy: I do have question for you. How is it to be my child?

Zeke: Awesome, most annoying thing ever because you’re very inconsistent.

Mommy: How?

Zeke: Because if you make one decision, like whether you let me go, please don’t try for your work. Please can I go to So like his tweets are friends like, hey, if we go here, then we just did I can go. Yeah, actually, you were saying no one instance in the next instance you will say yes. And then you say no again. I’m just like, Huh, I don’t, I can’t. I can’t keep up also it’s hard because everytime I get a new group of friends  I can’t go anywhere. Then I can’t get invited to places.

Mommy: How many times have you been invited to places? If this pandemic haven’t been going on? You’ll still be invited to place you still be going.

Zeke: Now I’ll talk about when I was a child,

Mommy: You’ll be alright being around people. No good moments.

Zeke: I mean, there were those things. So this is very, I spent most of my college years as argument you Cuz you’d be wanting to do things and get my own independent design no

Mommy: Boy when you get your own apartment you have all your stuff out there.

Zeke: Watch the two kids how you balance when you referee who’s right and who’s wrong? depends on who started it.

Mommy:  And what happened. Some stuff is ridiculous. So you use you as an example. Like, you started it. Then gotta come after you. If he started then we have to come after him.

Zeke: That’s how I referee.

Mommy: I don’t have no favorite child. No favorites in here. They think I do. This one would say, Oh, I’m your favorite. This was it. You know, I’m your favorite. I have no favorite, shall they both give them a nerve equally. I love them equally. But I treat them different because they are different. So there’s no favorite chat. If one doesn’t, that’s the one I go to. If the other one does say, that’s the one I go to, sometimes I do forget the other child is my child. I might say something because what they will have happened, but I do not have any favorites.

Zeke: I mean, that’s just fine. You do have my back.

Mommy: Back. I told you that I will always have your back. I will always be there as much as I can be. I got you. Okay, so long as you do everything you’re supposed to do. I got you. And it was something you’re not. I got you. But we all will have a long conversation and everything else about it. But I will always be there for you as much as I can. But I also have to let you grow up and be a man. I that’s, that’s tough. That’s a tough thing for me. Because I don’t want you to fall. I don’t want you to struggle. But I have to let you grow up and be a man.

Zeke: I think being the oldest man, the only child maybe similar. Because they both have to be like, independent because even as the oldest at the look of myself, that is younger sibling, though I keep my eye on just in case I go save him. Okay, cool. I’m gonna save you. And as the only child, you’re going to take care of yourself. Also be aware and everything.

Mommy: You right. Oldest and only child kinda the same. The only difference is that something happened. You have a sibling. You have a sibling. Let’s see how can I say this? Well remember paths even now. I was an only child so is still hurt. It hurts are hurt, but I don’t have I have you your brother, but I don’t have nobody to go to who can fill it cuz they will that wasn’t their mother if I was an art cousin or something like that and he choked but it’s not the same. It’s not the same. And if I didn’t have you and your brother I don’t know cuz me you have conversations about her we just sit here laugh and talk about the crazy stuff she did read him have conversations about her. He just he just started to open up to talk about her because he kept it. I know about the videos and nothing but it’s kind of the same, just that part. That’s not the same. That’s the start this is difficult

Zeke: Because I had to be the leader that’s a lot of work,

Mommy: It’s a lot of work. But you also got to do what you want to do for you. And he has to he has to learn to do stuff for him. Even though you are the role model that one has to also look at other direction.

Zeke: Nobody can keep up with me.

Mommy: (inaudible)

Zeke: Like I said your grandkids are going to  have a lot of work to do.

Mommy: What, my grandkids, my grandkids going to be on point. Just have my babies safe.

Zeke: The oldest the youngest and the oldest and the only child. They both learn quickly.

Mommy: Being an only child, you do have to learn quickly, and you do have to be aware, like you say you do have to be aware. You have to be aware of a lot of things that people, but you do have to be on the only child. You’re right. It’s true. We have a lot of responsibility. being on the show, like you have a lot of responsibility. You had to figure out and find a way so now the younger one already sees it. So not to know not to go through that way. I’m not going to say when either yo graduation 1,000,002 people have the two schools in it. That one, and then you got to have all that stuff to graduate. Jesus lord

Zeke: 124 credits.

Mommy: You had to work your ass off at Zicklin

Zeke: Now the’re making it easier by taking out calculus.

Mommy: Yeah, because they need people to graduate, people not graduating because the shit was hard. You better who ever go say I ain’t go here but I seen him. He worked his ass off tight to scare them out of school for he started college. He was talking about what you said Master’s or doctorate doctorate doctorate. Scared my poor baby. You don’t want to get his Master’s. I’m trying to get him to give him but I gotta understand, like going in scare the hell out of my baby., he’s before he wouldn’t be Dr. Williams now this what I can’t be mad at you but the things get out of me. I’m not the one in the class.

Zeke: On the financial crisis and taking advantage of this keep taking these L’s.

Mommy: My poor mother say call me about him. What are you ever worried about yourself?

Zeke: Yeah, I guess I work out they got me here so far. Yeah, they figured all this out.

Mommy: Thank you mother. Well put so pushing and pulling this stuff. Well you may she did. You welcome

Zeke: If you see us as adults now. 

Mommy: Yeah. Still my kids my babies don’t remember ever see me as an adult never did. You was her buddy You was her buddy you my road dog. We will shoot together No no. You know I have to have another episode right. So you know you guys always question things about time. You got to put one aside but that costs too much that your brother is correct this month.

Zeke: Oh, being the oldest you can under figure out, go make your own path. Figure out things you just like you just been exposed to it the second one can see, all right cool.

Mommy: You have to Yep, that because that’s what we do.

Zeke: We can kind of go along can we kind of have a similar

Mommy: Who me and you? Told you my other side.

Zeke: I guess also being the oldest could be a good teacher. Because I had to experience

Mommy: Yeah, this is all you’ve been working with the students do. kids, kids kids.

Zeke: Anybody keep ever like, it’s like everyone’s like you’re doing well in school. Now teach other people how to do the same thing. People see something you also don’t think I’m a better person, a better relatable person. Like people know cuz like, it’s just like when people are struggling, I can’t school I can, like relate to that. Because it was little 9inaudible). By time I got to high school by time I got to middle school, it was just it just wouldn’t be different. I don’t identify with their struggle.

Mommy: You have a heart, you have a big heart ain’t got one like that. But you have a big heart and you didn’t get it for me. You didn’t get it from your father. On the way you got that big offer, but you do have a big heart that will make you different from both of us. You have a big heart. That’s the problem.

Zeke: That’s what happened. Muhammad told me to Rabina, get to her and get the hardest students to teach. I was like, What? That’s the only thing I had to figure out how to get to the student and help them.

Mommy: Learning experience. Everything you do in life is a learning experience.

Zeke: Like me going to work every day. I don’t want to argue I don’t want to push, I don’t want to leave. You want to leave, like, leave them, leave them. Some people give them the sounds too easy. And they have the defense mechanisms.

Mommy: It’s hard. Yeah, they could have the wall. I can’t say names but so you know, one day and I’ve seen so many other people put up a wall, you have to see it and you can see it very fast. You just have to know how to get through the wall. Without arguing without being negative. There’s always a positive way to get online.

Zeke: All you do is argue and like 

Mommy: But that was what I did with you. You don’t do what? Kids just like if I had to teach I’m not gonna do that with other kids. My kids yet so else’s kids. No, I’m not. I’m not doing it with somebody else. Kids, but am I doing my kids but with somebody else good.

Zeke: I wonder if being oldest also makes you a good parent. Because you kind of already a parent.

Mommy: We know this is depends on you being a good parent, it depends on what you want to do. And like being a good parent, you know, I know some people all the oldest and they don’t they not a good parent, not at all. So no, it depends on you what you want to do with your kids. Are you want to take it? So no, no, I just thought about somebody. No, no, it depends on you. But by you having this big heart to have you be alright. You can be a good parent and I’ll be right there. Make sure you are you was raised With your mother about your use raise with your mother and use raised a certain way so you be alright tells you got your back.

Zeke: Hope the podcast works.

Mommy: Yes, I see it works. It’s actually cool. I like this guy was magnetic so you know I gotta push my way through to get episode.

Zeke: Making the best decision marketing wise as you know people

Mommy: Forget about their mother

Zeke: So now we’re adults what you do with your life now that we’re.

Mommy: Living what I’m trying to do now, but right now we can’t do too much. But I’m gonna live my life that wasn’t good go. Right now. I go to work. I come home. Tired from work, work is hard, all the work I do is hard but I go to live my life. Find me a husband i’ll be alright.

Zeke: I don’t see it happening.

Mommy: Why are you so independent? I know. Who raised me two independent ladies what you want me to do, two independent woman raised me. Then I got two sided so,

Zeke: So you had a independent baby, still having an independent.

Mommy: Added I never seen a kid like that in my life. All the kids and all the babies I’ve been around before I had, you. I have never seen a baby like that before different

Zeke: And that famous story you always tell me how manma was sick and you went to get your hair braided.

Mommy: I was sick. I wanted sorry, manma, manma was sick. And I wanted to get my hair braided. And she’s gonna go ahead I got him sure. Left you in the walker in the walker came back. You sit in the same spot and your pampers wasn’t wet. You’re just sitting there she laying in the bed. You watch the TV. Didn’t make no noise. I came you just look up at me. That was it and still stay in that damn spot chillin with your grandmother. Other babies have been crying and pedaling away something. But you stay right there and you stayed in the doorway. You didn’t even take the walk in the room. You stay the remember how her room was in the door. You stay right in that doorway. You didn’t go and stay right there where I left you in the walker in the doorway. Yeah

Zeke: Do you raise kids who are two opposites also?

Mommy: No, yeah. No, no, dress ya dress differently. But ya brain works the same. Learned that the other night, I said these two just a like just a like pissed me off.

Zeke: That brings another episode of the Let’s Gather Podcast to a close. The Let’s Gather Podcast season two will premiere on June 3. I hope you continue to have a nice day and hope to see you there.

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