Mother’s Back

Mommy: Nah, bro. Nah, bro. That’s why I said I’m proud of you in so many ways, and I am hard on you but I am easy on yourself. But you figured out all this stuff and you did all this so I’m just here for what you need.

[Music]

Zeke: I like to welcome everyone to another episode of the Alaska air podcast. I’m your host geek and in this episode, my mother makes it return to talk about how she’s dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. And also future plans. I want to give a content warning for any shell navies used in this episode. I hope you have a nice day. Enjoy the show. So your back.

Mommy: Of course.

Zeke: The episode was all over the place. You can get off you can go on off topic.

Mommy: 

We can’t help but you can’t ask me the same question you asked me the same question in a different way so what I did was I just answered them and got over and got it over.

Zeke: All right. So now what’s your what’s your plan for life?

Mommy: What’s my plan for life? Get out of hell out of here. Move up in my job. Get the hell out of here. That’s it. For now. I only think about today I don’t work today then tomorrow work tomorrow. I work like that.

Zeke: Yeah, well future proof yourself

Mommy: A I done seen too much go on right now is happy to be

Zeke: Do you think you live through history all the time?

Mommy: Huh?  lived everything leads to history, which may lead to my living in 2008 now Yeah, I didn’t know I was scared. I’m scared. You can’t see it. See, the thing is that I don’t work from home. I have to go out there. I don’t say what I do. But I have to go out there and I have to go to work. So working from home isn’t something that add. I don’t do I’m not working from home. So yeah, sounds good, but I gotta go to work. I have a job that

Zeke: Basically doesn’t get anything done.

Mommy: But I still go. So I can’t be desking but I still go every day all the time. Where else? Is it? Day by day, day by day.

Zeke: So does that give you time to make a timetable for anything because you say well get out By saying,

Mommy: I live day by day I’m freaking out what I did today I did what I needed to do today. Tomorrow I figure out what’s gonna happen tomorrow tomorrow. No, I’m gonna make an accounting because every time I do it I go off track or something happened but if you plan that for that account couple times, I’m not doing that again.

Zeke: Okay. I seen a meme, it was like they said 2020 is what 2012 try to be.

Mommy: Probably I didn’t know non of that 2012.

Zeke: I just got to high school.

Mommy: You just graduated from college you can remember all the way back then. I don’t remember it being nothing like this, what’s going on now?

Zeke: No, because remember, that’s the Maya calendar ended in 2012 it was like the world going to end. And they were like

Mommy: No I didn’t do it so I’m not going to remember.

Zeke: I can’t go,

Mommy: I had a whole different mindset 2012 2020 now got a whole different one right now.

Zeke: Socializing and just surviving?

Mommy: That’s right. I’ve seen too much gone between then then and now. I’m just trying to survive

Zeke: I don’t think that’s a good lifestyle.

Mommy: Okay, that’s what I’m trying to do I ain’t say that’s what you’re trying to do grown man. I’m saying this is what I’m trying to do. This is something I’m doing. I done seen too much happen I done  seen people lose their lives. I can’t do no more so I this is something I’m doing try to survive

Zeke: Nah because we get older you will never have good things just gonna remember like, cuz like a lot of things. You you miss a lot of things when you live like that. True but

Mommy: By me losing two people in my life that I was close to the this right now is just a way that I have to be on almost stay like this because you know me I changed a lot. I don’t want to stay like this but for me to keep going.

Zeke: But those the reason why the left was just this is me before you born or tweeted decisions without you like you couldn’t do anything about it.

Mommy: Sure I couldn’t do anything bout it. But how close I was to them. Sometimes if it feels like I could have does more than I did. I did a lot but it felt like I couldn’t do more.

Zeke: There’s also survivor’s remorse. Also there um You a lot of times we put off things to the end, because we say we have no time. And they forget how time works.

Mommy: True, but there was a with your grandma with manma, there was a lot that we have said we was going to do. But certain things in our life certain things added on in our life so we didn’t get to do it. So I say now is that I waking up in the morning and I’m gonna say I’m going to do it. I’m not making a plan a month ahead. I’m not making a plan a year later a year before and I’m like, all right, we don’t know I’m waking up that morning and this is what I’m doing is Ezekiel, Lawrenzo let’s go. This is what we’re doing together. That’s what I’m doing. But there’s a lot of stuff that me and her said we’re going to do. And then now I feel some type of way. That’s why I live day by day.

Zeke: That’s why I always want to do everything. Because no one knows what happened.

Mommy: Yeah, but you just you just want to like, Ezekiel okay? Can I get to the next step? We just did what we got to breathe. Okay, we got to breathe. That’s why I say it’s good to wake up that morning for me wake up that morning. I for me to do it because I can’t say on Monday morning, okay, this is what I’m gonna do. Two months from now, about two months from now it might be something else. So I don’t want to have that in my mind. I don’t have that or you’re like, Oh, she’s we didn’t get to do this. We don’t get to do that. I mean, stuff happens. You got to understand, stuff happens that comes up is not like you met not to do it, but things comes up. So that’s why now if I say we’re going we’re going you see I say the day the night before the day before I’m sorry you got something to do. But we’re going we’re gonna go do this we go and then that’s it. Okay, I gotta take a break you know I can’t run like that, too old.

Zeke: When you get old the body ain’t what it use to. Because they do remember us always say, yeah, we get old you have more time to have fun and now look outside is close.

Mommy: Well it’s a nice day outside, don’t look that close outside with all those people outside.

Zeke: They ain’t no hoop out there.

Mommy: No, you can’t. No, you can’t do. There’s no hoops. There’s never it’s for your safety. So you can’t be mad.

Zeke: Yeah, but I think we had a stalemate with the virus.

Mommy: I don’t. I don’t. Honestly I don’t confuse What? I’m just confused. I’m like, I don’t know which way to go with it. I don’t know what to say about I don’t want to say too much about it so.

Zeke: Right now I think we just in a stalemate of we okay place but the site is more concerned that.

Mommy: I agree.

Zeke: With everyone having their own opinion and we know it’s a good thing your people are going to counter be the whole the movement as a whole to be counterproductive.

Mommy: True but you be like, I just tell everyone to be careful. Yeah, that’s why right now I don’t get upset with nobody if anybody say something wrong to me. I don’t care. I’m not getting upset. I’m just happy to be alive and go home to you and your brother does it? Honestly, right now I’m just trying to live. I ain’t getting upset when I buy something. Go ahead. Hey, whatever you say. And I’m gonna keep moving because like I say something out there, we can see. So I can see you I can see the person, but I can’t see what’s out there. So no, I could see the person. I can always go around and go the other way that I see I can’t see it. I don’t know where it was that I touching it. No, I’m walking outside with mask gloves everything going these days. Yeah, come home, change your clothes, you gotta do this, you gotta do that. Yo I’m tired to old.

Zeke: And also think it’s gonna become an endemic time be sure that it’s like the flu, like into severity or anything like that. But like, is there and we know that it’s here, eventually becomes part of life that you just kind of forget about it.

Mommy: Yeah, it’s gonna be like that. It’s gonna it’s gonna be something that’s gonna come into it and they just got to figure out how to work it out and what to do with it.

Zeke: Did you get the flu vaccine, the flu? Yeah, the flu mutates every year every year.

Mommy: I take flu shot, that’s the only shot I’m taking.

Zeke: So with this, this was already starting to mutate. So

Mommy: That’s why I said, That’s why I said right now I’m living day by day, and I’m getting up and doing stuff day by day. I’m here for you and your brother. I get up, I go to work come home. Um, I’m paying people no attention. I don’t care. I’m just happy to be alive,

Zeke: But a lot of things you want to do in life, takes time to plan.

Mommy: Nah we ain’t got time for that. We got to get up and go home. Sorry. If you ain’t got to go to work. He ain’t got to go to school, and I ain’t got to work and we gotta way to get there. We’re going and we’re going together. If you can’t understand why I’m doing that. I will tell you I love you know, but was just outside today. Did you see what it looked like? I’m looking around like like this is I don’t want to say it’s just sad It’s a beautiful day out there today is so pretty. So pretty in all you can do outside is take your your business and come back in the house.

Zeke: Kinda always been your mo.  I’m a ride my bike.

Mommy: But you can go sit in a park is a nice day is after Easter Coney Island could have been open. This could have been open shopping area could have been open. We could have went got something man we could have went got some food. Me You always went to food. We always went outside to get some food or go to a store or something and then bring it back home but we did stuff. Now we just got to go pick up this. pay your bill. Get back on the bus. And here we go. We always did stufft, ain’t nothing out there now.

Zeke: Is it gonna go new normal is gonna be temporary? This is what we have to figure out.

Mommy: But I don’t know. Sometimes something fade.

Zeke: It’s asymptomatic people. That’s the main problem.

Mommy: It’s not just for us for anybody out there. Yeah. I’m discussing about a lot of I don’t even have to know you. And I’m concerned. I’m just concerned. I don’t know. I’m just tired.

Zeke: Yes, because I went to work and school at the same time, multiple years.

Mommy: I’m just tired. That’s why when we can go we’re going. You get mad at me you get over, I get over it. You’ll be all right, we’re going and come back.

Zeke: Just pick something without the others opinions like cool my plan is more important, let’s go.

Mommy:  It’s not that sometimes sometimes it’s sometimes a certain situation you just need something you just need that person and sometimes you got to understand this like you have plans and you probably want me to call you probably want me to do something or you are some that we supposed to do. And I pushes it back for you. You gotta understand it’s not just you thoe. You not just own your, you got to think about the other people also. myself sometimes, like I said, You got to think about other people also, you make plans, you go where you gotta go. But sometimes you got to think about your family. You also can’t just think about Ezekiel.

Zeke: I can’t forget about myself.

Mommy: You, not forgetting about yourself.

Zeke: No, the thing is what people do sometimes they split themselves to thin trying to help everybody.

Mommy: My thing i’m not saying that you got to keep trying to help everybody. I’m not saying that is you got to put everything that he does to aside for everybody. No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying sometimes, when you have plans to go somewhere, something else comes up. You got to let it go and deal with you what you have to do with your family. That’s what I’m talking about. I’m not saying all the time. Every time you have a plan, you put it aside. Sometimes you have to not be selfish and put your plans aside and be with your family that just like at the age that you are now, certain things that I might want to do a son and I can’t do because I have to make I make sure you’re good. So you have to also think about that also spoil your child. My spoiled child.

Zeke: I’m not spoiled.

Mommy: You are spoiled. I don’t care what you do. You spoiled. Spoiled You spoiled. You spoiled. You spoiled. You you get away with a lot. You are spoiled. I do baby you.

Zeke: That’s your fault. I try to work hard. Everyday in my life.

Mommy: You opposed to work. He’s supposed to work. Yeah, well, man, you’re supposed to work. But I’m not supposed to baby you as much as a baby but I baby you because you are my baby. You are one of my babies. So yes, I do, baby You are one of my babies. But you do work on you’re supposed to work because your grown grown man ain’t taking care no grown man like that. So yes, but if I see something and I pick it up for you that because you’re my son don’t think that just because I pick it up. I’m a pick it up for every other man you know, you’re my son you might and because you do work hard. So yes, I’m going to pick up something and buy it for you and give you all who’s in the store earlier and I said you want this to sound like that certain things. Yeah. But I, as your mother also have to learn how to just step back a little just like you do.

Zeke: Let me make decisions without your cup of commentary.

Mommy: For one I do let you make decisions. But you come back to me and can’t say you don’t come back to me answers or to listen. So and also I started just sitting And just listening now, I don’t give too much answers anymore. I wait to hear what you say. No, you gotta make, I don’t because you got to make them you have to, you have to learn how to make them decisions. Like I said, I have to stop being so much, because I don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring. And I need for you and your brother to know how to do this, how to do that and not run to somebody all the time. For instance, I need you to sit down and figure it out. That’s what I’ve been doing since I was a child. Yeah, but then also like now as you older now is certainly days that you have to do that you got to figure out I always wonder why my mother told me. She always told me all the way up to before she passed, figure it out, figure it out, and I had to figure everything out. Understand why now. And that’s what I do. I Figure it out. I go to work, come home, do what I have to do pay bills, I figured I figured it out. I figured out what I have to do tomorrow. I figured out what’s the next step. I figured it out. There’s something that she always told me and I used to get upset. But I understand why she said leyna figure it out. She wouldn’t say anything. Naima, figure it out. I used to get mad that she was being me. But as a mother now I understand why she said what she said. I had to go figure it out. And that’s what I do. All the time. Because no way. I’m the first No, (inaudible)

Zeke: Like, I’m the first child ah everything I do I’m the first.

Mommy: Yeah, but even if you wasn’t the first you can’t just go of what your brother or your sister done. Because you’re not your brother or your sister. You’re not that same person, your whole totally different person than the next person. So you can’t go off what they did because thats not something that you probably wants to do.

Zeke: Yeah, I don’t know that like, I figured out school by myself. Not by myself but like 85%

Mommy: No course No, I like I said, I am overly proud of you. But now you just you just got to go on to the next step of,

Zeke: Figuring all this out. 85%

Mommy: Yeah, because you came to me. You be asking me I don’t know what this is.

Zeke: (inaudible) Like all I see are numbers and digits.

Mommy: That’s all it was all on that thing

Zeke: And the website. It was numbers. It just is telling you what to do telling the computer what to do.

Mommy: No, no. I try.

Zeke: And like I said before, off screen. being bullied as a child gave me time to just figure things out because you know, and that’s what I need to do.

Mommy: There you go. There you go.

Zeke: That’s the only day there’s only like problem from my childhood other than that. It was okay.

Mommy: You would never ever give me a compliment. I’m surprised I got that. You must be feeling good today. You must be tired. You tired because you gave me a compliment.

Zeke: Because it’s usually me I had to figure this out so.

Mommy: That’s what I ah what I was told. That’s what that lady told me,

Zeke: But sometimes figured out means relying on others.

Mommy: I just was taught not to rely on this. I was

Zeke: You learned from a hurt person to not rely on others.

Mommy: I was told not to rely on others I was told to go out there do what you got to do get gotta get and keep moving.

Zeke: But there’s a reason why companies is not run by one person.

Mommy: I understand,

Zeke: There’s the board of directors,

Mommy: But you need to realize like this podcast as you have. You told me this was a hobby.

Zeke: I said I was gonna start I don’t remember saying how.

Mommy: You say this was a hobby. I remember that. This is what you say. This right? Is this a full time job not getting paid. I ain’t mad at you I’m kind of happy, because well, no, I’m happy. Because it’s positive. It is something that you enjoy. And I thank the people that are helping you to make your positive. Thank you. Thank so I’m not mad. I’m so happy because it’s positive. And as you’re going on, you’re learning a lot from it. And I seek Well, like I said, I probably don’t say anything. And you probably think I don’t care. I care but I’m watching I guess I’m watching. Not say anything I’m watching because I would have man I would have been givin up, I ain’t got that time.

Zeke: I got that type of stubbornness.  Every other problem you see me just like, okay, no way I would do it. Somebody else did it before me.

Mommy: Just gotta um.

Zeke: Like people, sometimes you’ll have that skill and you’ll have to tell them that’s good, cuz I’m writing I’m never gonna be the greatest writer ever.

Mommy: I this right here. This isn’t right. This is not me. I’m more of a hands on out there going person. But if I had to sit here and do this all day every day, nah, bro. Nah, bro. That’s why I said I’m proud of you in so many ways, and I am hard on you, but I am easy on you also. But you figured out all this stuff and you did all this. So I’m just here for what you need. And I ain’t got a problem with you. Because guess what? It’s positive in this doing science. I think it’s helping you.

Zeke: So you may have to have your two kids will figure out things.

Mommy: Yeah, you figure it out stuff. And I see him like I told him last night. I’m proud of him because he changed from this semester. From last semester this semester. He changed He really did. So like I told him, I’m proud of him because I see him putting more effort into his work. more effort into himself. He’s thinking, thank you. I had to tell him that I told him because he don’t like for me to give him compliments. So I told him I don’t care. I’m gonna give you the compliment. I’m proud of you. Thank you know me just be my ego. You just got a big ego,

Zeke: You have a ego yourself.

Mommy: I don’t have an ego. I’m like the type. Don’t give me all that compliment stuff too much. I start looking the other way. We don’t need that compliment stuff. Like, I think he gets that for me. Because, uh, so you’re evil. You just got it. But he let me give him that compliment last night. He did. Because he’s figuring out how to do stuff. Was he figuring out how to move and move this way? Move that way. Thank you. Thank you to both of y’all because By being a single mother, it helps me out to go out there and do what I have to do to help all three of us. So thank you. I give you a compliment. You don’t give me mine I give you yours.

Zeke: I sometimes forget how old, me and Lawrenzo because we’re close, but we still have that distance of age. So our mindsets are different because I’m four years ahead. So I kind of have that experience. I’m you I’m ready for more things at different times different age when you start working. I was already ready for that cuz like I told you, I see that you need to start your own thing.

Mommy: Yeah, that’s like you said, you need to do something for myself. But I didn’t realize I had another I forgot. He was different. And he needed me, but

Zeke: I was 16 at the time. I was like, I’m gonna be independent. I’m about to go to college. I’m gonna do my own thing.

Mommy: Yeah, yeah. But I did need something for myself and I did I went back to school when I got this job so I did a lot for myself Thank you did push me to do it

Zeke: You talked about have a kid obviously not having a kid to get makeup to replaces us not like to replaces replace us but like to have something to care for. Because you was used to care for us and realized at the sametime like we’re old.

Mommy: I go to work I come home I want to sleep. Wash, sleep. Eat sleep. This all I do ain’t nothing else to do. It’s just us three so we got this.

Zeke: I gotta make a team soon, start recruiting.

Mommy: Oh my god, who’s you gonna recruit?

Zeke: I have to figure that out. All right,

Mommy: You recruited me but you give me the hard stuff

Zeke: What the transcript? That’s the easiest thing.

Mommy: Ezekiel.

Zeke: You are you gonna code? No? Okay then

Mommy: Ezekiel I can’t focus that I have to sit here listen to what you’re saying make sure it said now you want me to do that really? Okay.  Did you get your stuff out my pocketbook? Not yet.  Sorry I just thought about it. You’ll be alright Ezekiel. Yeah We built for this we got each other even though we all get on each other nerves.

Zeke: We’re all the same person but we all have our purposes that don’t mix well because that’s why we cook three different meals at the same time.

Mommy: We surely do three different meals and I eat both your meals, but three different meals we do. But we all need each other. We there for each other. Can’t say we not. We got each others back. Because your brother put the fish all the way over there because he knew you was allergic he didn;t want it to touch the pork chops.

Zeke: So go back to the team’s thing is you kind of need people skills, because I can’t do everything by myself.

Mommy: Okay because you gave me something that I can’t do whoo excuse me. You gave me something that I can’t do like see I’m a personal who fix stuff. I got sparkles and stuff in here. That’s the type of person I am. I spackle labor stuff like that. But you went to tech nology and reading nah brah

Zeke: You was a student of high school. I was always wonder what kind of job I could have got, like in high school what kind of job I would have got after I graduated, I did not know.

Mommy: It was witch witch what job you gonna get, I already know what job your going to get.

Zeke: Nah cuz like, I was good at school, but I was like, what kind of job is that? About being good at school? Yeah, like what kind of skills do I have?

Mommy: It depends on your interest. See, like I told you we was raised differently. I was raised with your grandmother by fixing stuff. She taught me how to fix stuff and stuff like that in the house. I never taught each other. I never showed you how to, with jobs I should have but I didn’t. I do school on you more than anything. Right. So we was different. I was taught how I remember as she bought kitchen chairs Lena gone and pit them kitchen chairs together. I had to sit there and put up kitchen chairs. Okay. Um, she had little holes i had to specular holes and there were certain things that I knew she taught me how to do stuff with a hand with my hands because that’s what she was taught. Do stuff with her hands but with yall I put school more on yall I can fix this. Do this stuff and how you go ahead you go to school and do it. You got it. That wasn’t what I was taught.

Zeke: I was like the thing is school last episode talked about school wasn’t built for like work like the work field and school for the school, shifted and separated at time because school is meant for like to the factory work and stuff like that why it’s vigorous and very, like standard. Like work doesn’t come, work isn’t like the job neither. Like life isn’t like that.

Mommy: Kind of job you could probably got is teacher, school think about it. I’m always going back to that even if you don’t do it. Whatever you do in life, I know you’re gonna do something positive. So I’m not worried about you. So but I’m always gonna say that but you just go do what you feel comfortable with. Not what I’m telling you to do, because I can’t tell you to do that because I’m not doing it. Do you have to do what makes you feel comfortable? But like I said, Whatever you do is going to be positive. Now I’m always going to have a opinion that you got to do it, just don’t go far away right now. This was crazy stuff. You could go live in your own apartment. Here in New York City.

Zeke: Something always happens.

Mommy: I know that’s why you be here. We could be close to each other. If something happened, you can come back here. You can stay here. Wherever I’m at. You can stay there. You that’s it. For we all could not be all together. But that one in a moment.

Zeke: (inaudible) I was destined to leave.

Mommy: Yeah, since you was in my stomach you gave me problems but you was always independent.

Zeke: You have somebody tell you what to do and it’s just like oh great this is fine and I disagree with most of it Oh great.

Mommy: (inaudible)

Zeke: Neither did you.

Mommy: No but I ain’t had back and forth like you do I just shut up and like whatever.

Zeke: We’re twp alphas. We’re both the leader, we have two leaders who try and figure out what to do.

Mommy: It’s three of us three leaders in this house

Zeke: There’s two leaders

Mommy: Three of us with attitudes and everything else.

Zeke: Because we’re the same person. The same template, just different attributes.

Mommy: Why? Yeah, because that one in there talking about he just like me.

Zeke: He’s close. I think he’s closer to the into the personality. So you can see I think he’s close to your personality.

Mommy: I see Oh, I see both of y’all. Really? I see both of yall.

Zeke: I think Lawrenzo is more because I’m the outgoing one that’s not unlike anybody in the family.

Mommy: You will always go outside. And he probably is because he’s in like me.

Zeke: And this is more to some of similar to each other so the interests, the interests of closer to each other.

Mommy: You trying to distance yourself out of this.

Zeke: No, no, I just say like you guys are like in terms of like, this is like I still have your personality traits and your habits. I picked up a lot of your habits.

Mommy: You just distancing yourself?

Zeke: No, I think you guys will have you guys have more like it was like a venn diagram. You guys have more in common to each other that I do, but I still have, I still have like, I still you can still see me in you. Because to see you, me.

Mommy: Because I’m like you just distancing yourself from the family. You just like you the first one.

Zeke: Because even though he does even when we argue he was saying where we’ve looked at because we look at life, me and you look at life completely opposite. Like I said, you look at life. We both live by literally you only live once. We live like we have to you live by mostly on the side of you kind of have to prolong it keep going. I live on like, in this moment, you don’t know what’s going to happen. So you have to live it to the fullest.

Mommy: I’ll tell you, you do too much.

Zeke: That’s what I’m saying. I’m not saying that we’re all but like, if you to um draw us out you two are more similar than me or similar, the other one is also very similar.

Mommy: The hell yeah that’s why yall bump heads all the time. Yall don’t get over stuff let it go God Damn.  That’s the problem yall are too much alike, to too much.

Zeke: Also different cuz he like the light on I like the light off

Mommy: See well that’s why that’s why he keeps the light on, he can’t see too well He don’t wear his glasses in the house the house so like that’s why he keeps the light on. Keep the light on.

Zeke: No we don’t need the light.

Mommy: No he needs to see this light bulb we don’t pay light bills, right now.

Zeke: No manma used to have her room dark. I guess that’s where I get it from.

Mommy: I’ll see you have to go over there, but he can’t see well so you have to keep the light that’s why he keeps them on he said last night like this only thing that really gets to him. He’s like you just keep turning off the light. I said okay, you brought that up. Stop I can see you can’t see. Okay, I’m about to put you in the damn hallway shit. Okay, we deal with (inaudible) here. This is like we gotta do is he needs it on leave it on. keep messing with my son if you want.

Zeke: We also me and you also have that both very empathetic. I think all three of us are very empathetic empathetic people.

Mommy: Yeah, I feel for everybody right now. Everybody right now I’m feeling for keep yourselves in the house if you ain’t gotta go outside the house. See where I’m at? Right? Nice. The sun is beaming. Yeah.

Zeke: For me that was a different this is a hobbies and tastes and interactions

Mommy: Depending on what it is you have the same in a lot of stuff. I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you but it’s actually after this off camera.

Zeke: But how would you say.

Mommy: No, I tell you off camera.

Zeke: Well how are we the same though, it sounds like that.

Mommy: I’ll tell you. One thing that john just the like that is do it differently, yet, just do it differently. I’ll tell you off camera.

Zeke: But yeah, after all this does go over what’s gonna feature for future of the world. But it could be after this. You don’t have to make a plan for just in case anything happens again. Always like as a society we want to make a plane. Yeah How to change the society to just see what happens after that. Yeah like you learn your lesson and then you prevent it.

Mommy: We got this. I think yall both independent

Zeke: I’m the most independent

Mommy: Y’all egos suck.

Zeke: Cuz yours suck too.

Mommy: That’s why.

Zeke: And your mother sucks

Mommy: My mother did not suck. Look at her right there, literally she’s right there. I remember when yall used to go to work you go to school, Iused to stay in the house.

Zeke: I mean I legit had 18 things to do at the same time I was exhausted

Mommy: What taking care of her?

Zeke: And I think that’s why my low GPA was that time

Mommy: What taking care of her?

Zeke: I started taking care of her in December right?

Mommy: When she stopped working that’s when she needed help.

Zeke: Because my lowest gpa was 3.2 for the second to last semester.

Mommy: You got it you? We, we had a lot to do. It was just us three. There was nobody else to help us. And it’s a shame because she took care. And she gave a lot to the family. And it was only three people there to help her. And you should be we all three should be proud of ourselves. We gotta say what we did. Because if you just have somebody you ain’t supposed to say, because you did it from the kindness of your heart, which is what we did. We all dealt with it differently. All three of us though, would have differently Like I say, you should be very proud of yourself. I know you felt like sometimes that you could have been more. But this wasn’t more you could have done. You did everything that you could you did everything that she wanted you to do. But we had to also give her independence to make her feel good also about herself. We really want her to go done even faster. So we did what we had to do so, I guess I don’t know. So I see it in your face. That’s why I’m happy that you got this podcast, because it helps us. I feel like it’s kind of a therapy for you. Because it keeps you busy a lot. It keeps you up, because I want to get some sleep. But

Zeke: You know my personality I have to solve problems.

Mommy: But I wish that no, let me say I am happy that you have this podcast because it keeps you busy. Keeps your mind going. And like I said I don’t have a problem with talking to you about it. We do we catch ourselves we talk about okay I know you’re missing out right now but you felt something to do and you do talk about it best to talk about it I feel the need to keep it inside so we can keep talking about this like your brother I wish he find something does I know he’s hurt so with me I got work with him. I wish he has the fight. He has the fight now it’s time for him to find something stop trying to play Mr. Big Man. He was there cuz he’s hurt. You hurt? Would you talk about it. And I don’t care how much you talk about the same thing or anything. Keep talking to me about it. Keep letting it out. Cuz we got to keep talking about it. You understand me? Keep doing what you got to do. She would love for you to keep bragging and talking about what proceeded it up as you say up what is it cool to see did it well she just was to see the stock up. Yeah that’s what it was like up your grandmother,

Zeke: Whatever we got egos from.

Mommy: Her. but like I said us three by you going to work in school, him going to school me going to work. We did it we did he still have a job. You graduated, still have a job. He’s still he graduated and went on to school others. So we all should be proud of ourselves.

Zeke: I consciously know that she’s dead when people take over their grandmother. I remember that she’s dead and was like hey like you remember that? Oh, yeah,

Mommy: (inaudible) what you’re doing right now but you could also talk about the kind of person she was. You always look about the kind of person she was cuz I don’t care what when she was there for you. She changed the schedule for y’all she went on school trips, which all she missed work for y’all. She took out two doctor visits. She helped me out. I had to be like she said I was the one who had to figure out what to do with jaw and what’s your should do and hire should do it. But she was there to help me with taking y’all there and stuff like that without her I wouldn’t be able to do it. Without her. I don’t feel like y’all would have been able to be who we are today. You’re gonna say it takes people to help you get places like you said. But you go talk about your grandmother. It doesn’t I must be talking about talking about my mother all the time. There you go. And what she did she everything she did, she did it for us. That’s why when she needed us when she allowed when she allowed us to help her. That’s when we did it. Because when we wanted when I wanted to do stuff, for she wouldn’t let me but when she allowed us to come in and do this Not to regret it. I don’t regret it by for like you sometimes like, I could have done more but she wouldn’t let me do anymore and I’m not gonna sit and argue with a dying person. You don’t make a lot you go ahead you do that step back I’m gonna give you what you want because you don’t want nine so I’m gonna try to make you feel happy and good as much as I can. I got to take the heat whatever you saying Go ahead. I understand you angry, but you don’t want nice. I got you. I definitely return I did what I had to do my body this time I did it. And if I didn’t do it for my mom again, I do for my mom. Because like I said you should be happy. You should be proud of yourself. Because you could have been a personally I’m not getting up. I’m not going over them. Get out my sleep. I gotta go to school I gotta go to work or I gotta go over there for you could have been that type of person. You was tired, you’re frustrated but you did it right? So you should be proud of yourself you know they will react to now what we got to do is keep her name going that’s what we got to do. Keep her name going because you know that’s what she would have wanted. And just to make sure we do what we have to do, we don’t follow them for the refill down and slick spray calm come back. Do you know how she was on bill paying and all that pay my bills, my pay my bills? Yeah, she’s how she was school. She told you to keep working.

Zeke: That’s the last words she told me.

Mommy: Keep working right. Okay to school. And that’s what you did and you finish so don’t worry about it. We good we fall apart sometimes and attack each other. But we go long we get over it and we did as I guess I see you and your brother. You don’t feel good are you feeling down and I’m leaving to go to work. Keep an eye on your brother. I caught him saying like I call you if he says the same thing you said but he’s gonna go look just like he was a felon while you wait. You standing over him. I come home he’s like Why me? Why was he who is on the phone was standing over me. He’s standing over as it probably me. Then you sent me or Tony. He was so talking to.

Zeke: It was Tony. Tony he’s the one call me I call him back because he called me back because it’s not that important.

Mommy: I know he we are not I can’t Just like I said, I don’t care who you are with what we’re doing. I just want to do it. It’s gonna be one two good. I already lost the fourth person trying to keep to these three. Okay, me, you and your brother and  the dust.

Zeke: I don’t know how I made the last semester.

Mommy: You have good genes you have good genes you come from good people come with good hardworking people

Zeke: Most people would have broke.

Mommy: Most people

Zeke: Would have broke.

Mommy: Most people would have.

Zeke: Went to therapy she was like you good.

Mommy: You weren’t you didn’t stay home. In this drill.  Like the liget the next week I had worked and started work. Two weeks off and I had to go back to work.

Zeke: I had a weekend. This goes for the next week. Okay?

Mommy: It’s it’s gonna take us a while so we was gonna be a while we never gonna forget it was gonna hurt but it’s gonna take us a while to like, really like, get into the groove was only been a year. And next week is Mother’s Day oh Jesus.

Zeke: Oh word thats when that episode comes out. All over the place. Some way I’m answering questions.

Mommy: I answered your questions. You asked me the same question What the hell you want me to give you? I like these little conversations as the coolest kind of like therapy. We should do this more often we don’t. But we do talk a lot.

Zeke: Yeah, we talk almost every day.

Mommy: Yes. So it’s not like it’s something that we don’t do we get on each other No, but we do talk a lot. Maybe we do talk a lot,

Zeke: We get mad, we give, give us some space.

Mommy: We’re over. That’s what you got. So you’re not gonna get along all the time. Everything that I say it’s just, it’s the way that you state stuff. Stay stuff the right way. I understand where you go to you go all the way to the left didn’t rehab it now, but like I said, I understand. You gotta, I gotta, you know. I never want to say I don’t get it. You know. You better get a mother. I get over it. Like I said, there’s something out there. I can’t see. I need an upset myself. I can’t see what’s out there. I can’t see. I can’t see I can’t see. Like I said, I might have to go out there. Every day go to work. I can’t see you. You get to stay home. I’m kind of happy you get to work from home. You ain’t gotta go out there. But I can’t see that out there. I’m just scared. But I’m gonna go to work the wrong genre. Okay? And I’m okay. I’m going to work if it’s something that which all I need to stay home, then I’ll stay home. But alone, john, okay, you have to look out for each other. Pretty cool.

Zeke: So yeah, I just forgot the origin story again.

Mommy: What you mean my origin story?

Zeke: You have Batman origin story, his parents died and became Batman. Yes.

Mommy: My grandmother and my mother passed away and I’ll became this angry 40 year old woman who was angry for the year to me. I’m really angry. And I’m out here in the world trying to figure out how to not let’s see how can I say not react negative and try to find ways to act positive.

Zeke: Will be a book movie video game series?

Mommy: The probably a TV series, TV series more people watching.

Zeke: Okay. Nice. What would you name it?

Mommy: Marlane? No, no, no, no, no let me scratch that Lena Lena, Because nobody ever calls me by my real name.

Zeke: That’s where I get it from.

Mommy: Be called Lena.

Zeke: Cool That brings another episode of the Let’s Gather Podcast to a close. I want to thank my mother for making a return. For next week I have a friend Solomon to talk about technology and being a recent college graduate. I hope you continue to have a nice day and hope to see you there.

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